...How Indian am I?

A few days ago, a very interesting conversation was generated on my page on Facebook. Putting the "I wrote- she wrote - he wrote" part aside, coz the reactions could have come from anyone on my friends' list, the incident did spark a bit of introspection on my part.

How Indian am I? What defines my "Indian"ness or sense of nationalistic pride? Or have I lost in the last decade or so, as I have been so comfortable and at home in this country. Why does it bring a smile to my face when the Immigration officer at any international airport in the US, after stamping my passport and returning the green card, says.. "welcome home Ma'am" ( or Miss )? ; in that case I am really thrilled. What is the typical welcome I get when I walk through customs and immigration in Delhi or Kolkata? Has anyone "welcomed me home"? A very inconsequential question no doubt, coz immigration officers of either country don't really make or break my day, but over the years, as I look back at the touch points that made me so much at home half way across the world, all these little incidents add up I guess.

Given everything that has gone on in bridging gaps across the world, I think we are one huge community at the end of the day. If you looked at the holiday pictures, apparel, homes, other social and entertainment choices of people of Indian origin living anywhere in the world ( and my GOD , we are everywhere...), it is very hard to look at a Kodak moment snapshot and typify with any concrete parameters around the pictures that would immediately categorize them geographically as NRIs or our brethren who reside back in the motherland. I think it is an extremely positive thing in some ways that those seeming distinctions don't exist. Why should they ? we are one world at the end of the day.

I often ask myself, why do I get defensive if anyone questions my Indian-ness, maybe coz the childish romance of having a sense of nationalistic pride has not totally gone away with my otherwise possible slightly cynical disposition about things. There was a time I was overtly vocal about it, with an undertone of being judgmental. Over the years it has mellowed into my actions and a conscious yet effortless attempt to keep India alive in my heart. It has not been with the intent of anything aggressive or assertive but sharing the story of Lagaan or talking about the "arranged marriage" concept to young teenagers, or making an Indian dish to an office potluck , or elaborating the henna routine that I use to cover my grays, are just a fraction of the examples where India remains intertwined in my life and everyday conversation, no matter who I am talking to.

Does the fact that the Star Spangled Banner gives me the goosebumps too just as the spirit of "Aye mere vatan key logon", make me less loyal to my country? Or does it resonate with the most delightful conversation with my American colleague Ben who came up to me and wanted to tell me all about "My name is Khan" and I said I still hadn't seen the movie ? Do the lines blur, and if they do, is it a bad thing that one of my closest friends in Utah asks me to order her Parineeta, and decides to do up one of her rooms with Indian motifs ? Am I less loyal or unappreciative of my country and her heritage, just because I live on the other side of the world?

Yup, am sure am not privy to a lot of texture, both rough and smooth, that touches my friends and family who live back home. I often hear statements like "you guys have it easy out there" and maybe we do, we all made choices, and live a balancing act in our lives of what we want and what we actually need.

21 of my 39 years have been spent outside India, but I doubt in all these years, there is a single non-Indian person who has gone away after making my acquaintance, without a thoughtful conversations and a genuine desire to understand more about the country of my birth.

Here are some fun little but thought provoking anecdotes that make me feel, I probably do talk about India, more than I realize.

• A TSA officer at SLC airport - Have a safe trip Miss, are you from India, God be with you , .... Khuda Haafiz ( think that is what you say in Urdu , right?
• A cabbie in NYC - You are from India, yes.. you guys are so smart.. all doctors in NYC are from your country
• Ok, that red in your hair.. it henna right? How do you do it? ( Explained the process and converted a few friends from lifelong use of Clairol to good old fashioned henna for life)
• Pritha, quick.. am at the India Palace - tell me, what should I order.. what was the saag thing you said?
• Are you and Neel ok? you are not wearing that red on your hair and also the bangle ( bengali Loha) in your left hand? did u guys fight?
• A beach bum in Puerta Vallarta, MX, talks to us for a while and then goes.. you are from India.. cool, have a wonderful friend called Shivani and went on to tell us about the work she does in Mumbai, etc
• Fr. David in the Salisbury Cathedral in the UK, talked about his missionary sisters in Hazaribagh and asked at length about my city of Kolkata etc.
• The list is endless .. but the one that still blows my mind away, was when our bedroom furniture was being delivered and the guy who placed the dresser, looked at some pictures and said in a partial Venezuelan accent..
• " I think Swami Vivekananda, was made of stronger stuff, love his dynamism, Ramakrishna on the other hand is a lot softer no? though He was great too, but I really think Swami Vivekananda made the philosophy alive.."

Bytes from my travel bug...(my fav top 10 international travel destinations)

1. Denali National Park, Alaska

There is simply nothing else like it. The starkness of the landscape is sheer magnificence. It is untouched, pristine and one of those places where you can hear your soul, if you listen carefully. The best thing I liked as I left the Visitor Center to come back to Anchorage, was a sign that said…”The Denali answers questions for man, that he has not yet learnt to ask…”

2. Monument Valley, UT/AZ

Miles and miles of nothingness, and then the largest of the monoliths stand as mute witnesses to the evolution of earth. Each pebble tells a story of a million years ago. The panoramas in this place are simply breathtaking. My husband and I stayed just outside a reservation and went off roading into the valleys and dried up river beds at every detour. The silence is penetrating and somehow you don’t want to disturb it. The Goosenecks rivulets are sheer works of art by the Master himself.

3. Bryce Canyon National Park, Utah

Sheer color and vibrance are all that comes to mind, when one has seen Bryce. Add to it the wind and snow chiselled “hoodoos” that rise to form the most intricate of nature’s pillars. The sunset and sunrise light up the layers of entrada sandstone and other edifces into Nature’s very own magic kingdom. Simply put, Bryce – to see is to believe.

4. Edinburgh, Scotland

The Royal Mile, grand and beautiful over miles of tunnels underneath that form the bowels of the city. The history and mystery of those tunnels locked in for centuries, the beautiful architecture and the incomplete pillars of Scotland’s folly… all of these get overshadowed as the skyline this beautiful city and university town features the grand and imposing Edinburgh Castle. You walk up the mile, and then into the castle and if you are lucky , you will hear a lone bagpiper, playing at a private wedding in one of the tiny chapels inside the castle. Look through the turret windows and the city with its lush greenery looks like a beautiful carpet spread before you. Also, take a bus out to Rosslyn and you see the famous Chapel with the Apprentice Pillar, the place made famous even more in recent times, by Mr. Dan Brown and his Da' Vinci Code ;)

5. Stonehenge, UK

Take the train to Salisbury from waterloo and then take the bus up the lush English country side to reach this surreal place of randomly placed monoliths that tell stories of druids, wizards and ancient calendars. To stand on those grounds is a very strange feeling, simply because it looks and seems unreal. A nice warm Shephard’s Pie at the local eatery close by and some warm gloves makes the self guided tour a lot of fun. Take a detour into Salisbury town on the way back to the station and you get to see the most legible version of the Magna Carta at the Salisbury Cathedral, which also houses a man made clock that doesn’t look anything like a time telling device.

6. Zushi & Kyoto, Japan

Zip out on Shinkansen from Shinjuku station, , whiz past Yokohama, and Mt Fuji and suddenly you are in a place where time has stood still and the commercialism of Tokyo has not touched the grounds in letter or in spirit. The Buddhist temples and Shinto shrines stand in full glory and divine splendor , only to be further enhanced by the serenity of the various gardens. Kyoto is intricate, while Zushi is quaint. The highlight of the latter town is a small detour to see the Daibutsu ( large monolithic, seated Buddha) in Kamakura and or course to buy the prettiest of souveniers in Lacquer.

7. New York City, NY

Have never been able to get enough of the Big Apple. The korean “mondoos” ( dumplings ) to kathi rolls in Greenwich to the Wicked at Gershwin, to the Monets at Met, to the Picassos at MOMA, to the cabbies on 42nd street, to the cocktails at the NY marquis, to a quiet dinner overlooking Lexington Ave, from the Waldorf, to the most amazing Jazz at the Grand Central Station. NYC is a place where the world comes together; read the names on the memorial at Ground Zero on your 35th birthday and life takes on a totally new perspective.

8. Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming

A live caldera with steaming pools of sulphur and other gases, masking the seeming coolness of turquoise waters below the surface, Yellowstone is the closest journey to the center of the earth. The park with its varied landscape, offers the sights and sounds of the heat of the earth’s core and also the flora and fauna of the most beautiful of nature’s creations. A few miles down from a mud pot or a gas spouting dragon’s mouth, you may see the prettiest of deer or the most non chalant of bisons and if you are lucky, you will see more than bear poop. You may actually see a real bear. Yellowstone has a romance about it that you have to be there to experience.

( photo courtesy: Google Images)

9. Delphi, Greece

The Parthenon in Athens, the Forum in Rome, are amazing structures no doubt, but the tiny town of Delphi took my breath away in terms of my recollection of Greco-Roman history and mythology. The significance of the Oracle is so unassuming in this little tiny town that I recall arriving around mid afternoon. It was as picturesque as idyllic. The guide told us lots of stories, and all I saw was this beautiful oracle, bathed in white robes and light, speaking the word of God and touching Man in the most divine of ways.

10. Shambles, York, North Yorkshire

It is one of the tiny little streets in York that has so much character in each of it’s crooked little homes. You come out of the Jorvik center and then decide to walk the town because the train to Kings Cross doesn’t leave for a few hours. You walk past the main cathedral, walk past little chapels, and suddenly u are at Shambles, this tiny street, with overhanging timber buildings, dating back to the 14th century.

Among the buildings of the Shambles is a shrine to Saint Margaret Clitherow, who was married to a butcher who owned and lived in a shop there. Although the butchers have now vanished, a number of the shops on the street still have meat-hooks hanging outside and, below them, shelves on which meat would have been displayed.

.. hakuna matata...

This is what the web says in the most succinct matter about the Lion King –

“Based on the 1994 Disney animated film, THE LION KING continues to reign as one of the most popular shows on Broadway and around the world. The global phenomenon is the winner of more than 70 major awards worldwide, including the Tony Award® for Best Musical, and the Grammy® for Best Musical Show Album.”

Facts and the fiction of the tale aside, this Tim Rice and Elton John production, is a brilliant spectacle of light, color, music and creative genius. Nothing new there, as far as Broadway goes, especially if you have seen the Wicked at the Gershwin on Broadway from an orchestra seat, you think you have seen the pinnacle of all shows. Yet, Lion King left me in awe because this is the first time, I saw a two dimension, television screen cartoon, unfold into a three dimensional phenomenon with the vivacity of texture and color that was simply inconceivable.

I would hate to describe the details of the visuals, simply because it would take away the thrill from those who haven’t seen it, and also because the power of prose in any language is limited. The visuals are impeccable as is the music. Of course you have heard all the songs before and you think you know what to expect.

Yet, the melody of the song is only accented and accentuated by what you see in front of your eyes. The frolic of “Hakuna Matata” or the romance of the “Can you feel the love tonight?” or the “life” in “Circle of life” are all just something you have to let your senses take in. Talking about it would be making it trite. My favorite however was a song “They live in you”, which is not in the cartoon. It plays twice, once when Mufasa explains to Simba, how the “great kings” look down from the skies, and later when Simba, himself makes that realization. For that latter scene alone, I would watch the musical many times over. I know I am dragging Neel to the Mandalay Bay at Vegas at the first available opportunity, the show has been running there for a while.

The show is on tour in different cities across the world, see it if you can, doesn’t really matter if you have a child to accompany you as an excuse or not. Once the lights dim and the strains of Rafiki wake up the Savannah, you will be one with the visions that will unfold in front of you, and forget the engineering details of lights, camera, actions and an amazing amount of mechanics…

This song will blow you away...

When life teaches....

Date: Sept 6th, 2010

Yesterday was Teacher's Day back in India. I recall that day very well from my childhood, when no matter what grade you were in, you would make a card for your favorite teacher, bring him or her flowers, or have a craft project dedicated to one's teacher etc. There was an essay or a talk we would do about the first Vice-President of independent India - Dr. S. Radhakrishnan as he was a great teacher and his birthday was September 5th.

As I fast forward the years, a haze passes by and a few faces emerge very clearly. The beautiful long tresses of one Ms. Fatima Joy, my teacher in 2nd grade who made me conquer my fear of speech and crowds by making the quietest and most nervous girl in her class, the class prefect - when I do a session on accountablity and ownership today in a business context, Ms Joy's gesture remains foremost in my mind. THen there was Sister Mercia, also in Holy Cross at Mumbai, who inspite of being completey exasperated at my inability to score a single grade in my oral exam, would always refer to me as "my child"... Guess the oral thing is not a problem anymore. Those quiet times at the chapel must have helped.

My math teachers loved me inspite or my permanent B+, maybe they knew that was the best I could do and decided to accept it, there were teachers like Mrs. Murthy and Mrs. Thyagrajan in highschool, while in Kuwait who were more friends and mentors. I recall my English teacher in Class VIII, one Mrs Nirupa Sethi, move aside Michelle Obama, that lady had the arms and and figure to reckon with. She wouild tie her hair in a bun and wear these flowy chiffon saris and look like a dream..till she would snap out her matter of fact voice and say.. almost with a chuckle but a sincere irritation.. "you girls are so stupid.. read the world "sex" in a text book and giggle like idiots.. snap out of it.. " umm needless to say.. we did ;) well sorta !!! :)

Later when my Economics teacher shared the name of a boy I had a crush on, my intense desire for everything graph(ic) was very justified :))). Move into college and grad school and the memories of interactions never ceased. Whether it was Proff Stice or Dr. Kirkham here at the Marriott School, or Dr. Gauri Dey back in my third year of college back home, or an amazing Math tutor I would go to during that time, each of the experiences simply enriched me in ways that I was unable to fathom then.

As I look back in that haze, other faces also emerge, the faces who taught me more than what the books did, my parents top that list. And as my sphere of interaction grew, the one thing my mother mentioned began to hold true each and every day. She always said, and still does that, learn the best from any situation or person and keep that learning with you.. My maternal grandmother was another key mentor in my life, she taught me more about growing up and the meaning of stuff, more than books on biology and philosophy could. She never hid the ugly truths of society from me, gave me clear honest perspectives on things that were depicted in "adult" movies. Then she would pick up a piece of literature and ask me to read Tagore or Sarat Chandra Chatterjee and understand the various characters , understand the nuances of love. She probably knew I had a Bohemian spirit deep down inside and that wanderlust of thought was going to be a part of my soul. She taught me how to learn and how NOT to judge anyone or anything. Not sure I got the first part, the second I consciously try.

So my "learning" haze has incidents, people, places, and thoughts from the jigsaw called life. Each of the pieces has taught me lessons that I have either tried to emulate or been immature enough to ignore and forget. That is why my picture of learning is far from complete and far from perfect...and in some sense, that imperfection is what keeps me going, sometimes to wallow in self pity ( and yes I am GUILTY), and sometimes move with a genuine desire to do something worth while with those lessons.

Why do I write this here today, coz, the few kind souls among you who will oblige me with your reading or even more with your comments, I want you to know, my current learning comes from you. Each and every one of YOU. Every person who has touched my life has been kind enough to leave behind a little bit of fairy dust of teaching. THANK YOU, for your kindness and patience as you have done that. Each of you inspire, each of you teach...

Remains a different matter of what I learn, but those are my roads to traverse. Thank you for handing me the map and pointing me in the right direction :)

Sincerely,

Pritha

One special sunset...

My walks along Springville Heights are nothing new, but this sunset was just special. All I had was my music, my Iphone and fun little app called Camera+.

The rest are HIS maninfestations .... hard to touch up perfection, except make futile attempts to capture it in these ignorant eyes....

SIMPLY LOVE...

You stay all summer by my side, dancing in the sunshine and swaying through the night,

Come harsh winds, we lose our colors, our petals wither and we are lost in sight.

Yet the magic of what we share, helps me tide the days, cold and bare,

As spring brings back the joy of life, as little blooms, into the world we stare....

JOY

Ever heard the wind rustle through the leaves?

Ever taken in the warmth of the setting rays?

Stop for a minute and let it soak you,

In bliss, in joy , in incomprehensible ways.

TIMELESS

Why the anger, hurt and despair,

When there is so much beauty all around?

Look through the thorns and you shall see,

The timelessness of love in every sight and sound.



SOLITUDE



To me solitude is not a lonely word,

The music of which I have often heard.

It is the time of day that lets me know,

Thy love and Thy blessings within me flow.

saying goodbye isn't easy...

but sometimes it is the best thing to do when you come to the stark realization that the people you associated with, learned to trust and respect, laugh and cry with, were nothing more than a bunch of sorry souls, highly immature and impressionable and the best way they could make themselves heard is through the age old Bengali commie mentality of "we-ism" . The so-called socialism of our exalted state has caused the individual voice of reason to be drowned in the plethora of insignificance. And get this ! half way across the world, in this beautiful mountain state of Utah, and this lovely Bengali community, the influx of a few "literate but highly uneducated" elements were enough to bring the edifice of cultural unity crashing down.

I stand and applaud you mighty sons and daughters of Bengal who make us proud by ensuring we live up to the typification of our kind. But then, I wonder if I am qualified to say anything significant about Bengal, given I have lived outside of Calcutta most of my adult life, am not averse to cracking politically incorrect jokes, calling spade a spade, and not having my spouse fight my battles for me. So I am not the damsel in distress kinda Bengali woman, who spends more time wondering what could have and would have been and making sure all the fingers are pointed at everyone but herself.

I personally stayed away from the "logistics" of all things cultural because I am a coward when it comes to facing the "mob" in a bengali community. For the last 12 years we have been in Utah, I have seen this community grown in strength, culture, expand in talent and then thanks to the egos of a few, come crashing down. The fact that it has happened again, is not surprising at all, simply because I predicted the incident and the causal factors a while ago and sent a friendly note of warning as some of you reading this will clearly recall.

It doesn't take long to see the fissures appear and see people start to take sides, see the hushed tones and the rumor mongering happen in ways that are pathetic and humorous at the same time. Having been here longer than most of you reading this, the writing on the wall was very clear. I am not hurt or angry because the causal factors are of no consequence to me, nor were they ever. But I am sincerely disappointed at one individual, to the point where I question my ability of being a good judge of character. YOU know who you are and in all this, it really pains me to see how the influence of outside forces can make a free spirited , intelligent human being, become a spineless, gutless pawn.

Indraneel will probably say goodbye in his own way, like I said, we don't speak for each other, as most normal mature couples, we do have our own voices and are not afraid to stand up for what it true and honest, as opposed to the road often traveled that is riddled with the mobs of conformist thinking.

Please remove me from any kind of correspondence or mailing lists related to the "Bengali Community". Am an Indian first and an Indian last, associating with a group that have lost the power or common sense, decency, decorum and is not only a waste of my time, but also quite below me frankly. Wishing you all success in your endeavors ahead both in your personal and professional lives and leaving you with a vignette of what was.. and what could have been...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqIg5LzBJoU


Sincerely,

Pritha

"... when you have duty and love, you are with grace.."

..Mother Superior says this to Kitty in the movie Painted Veil - a very interesting movie set in 1925 China about a British scientist and his wife who try to battle a lot of issues inside and outside their marriage while the Cholera epidemic takes lives by the dozens. The context of this statement with reference to the movie is mostly about the love and fidelity in a marital relationship. If you have seen the movie or read the book, or planning to do either, that comes out pretty loud and clear. So enough about that.

However, the little statement stayed with me all evening yesterday and was the first thought when I woke up this morning. I thought about it in a marital context and in the context of various other relationships in our lives. As a lover, a sister, a spouse, a friend, a teacher, a student, a child, etc... there are moments when "grace" does touch us and makes us a better person. However, in all of these relationships, there is a possibility when just for fleeting seconds, love might leave one for just a bit and all that remains is a sincere and honest sense of duty. Nothing good or bad about it, but most of us are "ordinary people living ordinary lives" ( as the song goes) and we all live with our own struggles, good, bad or ugly, we do the best we can.

But in all these relationships, it seemed there was one where the individual was always with "grace". It was as if the very nature of the relationship is "grace" personified and that is one of a Mother.

Think about it, your own mother and your own foray into motherhood. To knowingly take on excruciating pain time and time again, to relive it all just to hold the world's greatest miracle in your arms is the highest manifestation of love. And since that day, till the last day on earth for either the mother or heaven forbid, the child, that "grace" remains INTACT.

Whether it is trying to tend to a sick child, letting her children leave the nest, waiting for a phone call or a letter from a child far away, praying for their child's well being, in all this, there is the acute sense of duty and intertwined with it is this amazing love. A love, that is probably the most selfless of all forms of love, simply because, no matter how hard and how trying the circumstances, a mother always forgives.

So to all of you wonderful women out there, as you get ready of yet another Monday , or depending on your timezone, already into it, know this, no matter how troublesome the lunch box packing, flu-ridden kids, idiotic teenagers or any form of childish idiosyncrasies you may face, there is a reason you are doing this...simply put... you are and you always will be women of Amazing grace...

With love to moms all around the world.. and a special hug to my own..

Sincerely

Pritha